Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

 I'm Radioactive|, Gaston's Journal
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:39 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
001. The things one does for love.
suuuucks

This isn't going to be long. Just tell me why love is such a ridiculous concept. Even though I know that true love exists, (and yes I am a sentimental romantic) I feel like I should be just like the rest of America's teenagers and keep a selection of fuck buddies. Things would be much easier, don't you agree? FML.

Anyway. I'm off to get a new phone. Don't even ask. Seriously. Peace bitches!

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:40 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
002. Fun at the Park.
whooooo

First things first. I feel like complete and utter shit. I had waaay too much to drink last night, and now I have to go to school with a King Kong sized hangover. FML. I have to admit though there were good and bad points of yesterday. I even made a list.

Bad shit

1. I walked in on someone I really care about getting pounded into a bed. (I need bleach. Lots and lots of bleach.)
2. I'm being totally ignored by this someone. sad.gif
3. I slept with Katie. (I should really apologize to her soon. I was a bit out there.)
4. All that extra JD got me was a bad hangover.

Good shit

1. Despite the hangover, I feel pretty good.
2. Finally got with Katie and it was goooood. She was totally right about just needing to get under somebody to cheer up. I am definitely cheered and back in good spirits now.
3. I'm taking the new chick Jordana to the b2s bash. She is hoooot.
4. I got a new phone. Long story about the old one, but I am definitely liking the new one.

Those are my lists. They aren't long but they work for me. Anyway, time to don the dark shades and get this show on the road.

Later bitches!

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:40 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
003. Truths and Dares and everything inbetween.
ahhhhhhhhhh

Last night was fun. Alcohol + Truth or Dare + Skinny Dipping = Great night! I kissed a guy. It was....nice. Dorian finally lost his v-card. Mel was flustered. Really flustered come to think of it. I'll have to go back and rehash that little bit of the night later. All in all, I had a blast.

Later on that night, I somehow ended up in a bed with Katie and Erik. I'm telling you, I was coerced, and will deny it if anyone says otherwise. It was fun though. Erik left and Katie admitted that she was jealous when she asked me a particularly cruel truth. Midget. I wasn't very pleased, but she made it up to me, so we're good again. The night ended up interestingly enough. We admitted to liking each other, but agree to keep things between us simple. It really is for the best anyway.

Anyhow, today is a new day, and I'm ready to see what happens! Besides, I can't wait to give Dorian shit about finally losing his card! I'm out.

Peace bitches!

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:41 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
004. Failed night of fun.
'>.>'

Where to fucking start? I don't even know. This has been a seriously fucked up week, and we still have to get through Thursday and Friday. Anyway. Had another gathering at my house last night. It did not end well. It started out perfectly fine, but as the saying goes, "All good things come to an end." It was pretty bad and feelings were hurt, even if it wasn't shown. I have to agree though, it wasn't a good idea, but who am I to stop someone from doing something they want to do?

It didn't help that people came to my house already pissed off. Didn't think I noticed? I did. I felt completely disrespected in my own home by a certain individual that decidedly fanned the flames and that shit is not cool. I wont be having people over to my house again anytime soon, that's for sure. Anyway, the night wasn't completely ruined. I did get to meet a pretty girl who is admittedly very amusing with a few drinks in her, though.

Now, I'm over all of that and ready for the weekend to start. I have a date with my not!girlfriend. Or would it be a not!date? Hm, I guess some label-less things are still labeled regardless. It should be fun. Anyway.

Later bitches!

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:42 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
005. What the fuck!
Does the sign on my head say 'Step on my heart?'

Why is it that whenever I care about a girl, they take my compassion for granted? I’ve tried just sleeping around, and while it’s fun, it’s not for me. I’ve tried an open sort of relationship, and that did work for me, oddly enough. Apparently though, some girls don’t like/want to be cared for/about. Strange, I know. Believe me, I’m quite shocked myself. I just don’t understand what the problem is. Am I not decent looking? Do I not treat women as gentlemanly as possible? Am I too boring?

I feel like some women would rather be with someone who didn’t care for them at all. Who would treat them as nothing more than sex machines and that’s just not me. I was dumped for caring. I have to say, it pisses me off. I think, that I’m just going to be single for awhile. I….don’t think I could take the disappointment a third time and I’m almost certain that the guys would kick my ass if I got broody on them again. There’s a new guy in town that had that on lock, literally. He’s Kit’s brother, and I have to admit his brood puts mine to shame.

Anyway, I’ll be hanging around my house today. School and everything else can kiss my German ass. I’d rather not be bothered.

Later bitches!

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:43 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
006. Going Downhill.

SHITSHITSHIT! I am in soooo much trouble. Last night, while amazing, was so bad. I'm not really sure how it happened to be honest. One minute we were having fun just hanging out, and the next? Well, let's just say that my gentlemanly ways have gone downhill. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a sweetheart and all, but...I'm an epic failure. To get to it, I cheated on Katie. I wont say who with, but let's just say, it's not going to be pretty once she finds out.

Things have just been so strained lately. There's all the play rehearsals and just the fact that we haven't been able to spend much time together. It's one of those things where I know I have a girlfriend, but I don't feel like I have one. The thing is though. I thought I loved her and I think I still do, but you don't cheat on someone you love, do you? I feel bad about the cheating, but I don't really regret it. I'm sure I will though once everyone finds out about it.

Actually, I'm hoping that no one will find out about it. I don't actually want to break up with Katie. It's inevitable though, I know. Alcohol is not my friend, and it definitely wasn't in this case. I mean, two glasses of wine and a couple of shots of vodka. That's all it took. This person was just charming, gorgeous, funny, friendly, and....there. I felt the attraction before I invited them over, which probably should have been a clue for me not to. Then there was the fact that I cooked for them. I only cook for certain people, and somehow this person became one of them. I practically had a date last night without realizing it. Something that was supposed to be two friends enjoying dinner, a movie, and a swim turned into something else completely.

I have to say, it was fantastic. Until I woke up and realized what I'd done. I left them in my bed sound asleep and went down to the Bean to think, and who was there? Katie. We talked for a few minutes and then I drove her home. Even when there's nothing else to do, we still have no time for each other. >.> I went home and crawled back into bed and fell asleep. I woke up to some...morning pleasantries, and now here I am blogging. I'm conflicted. Do I continue this affair which is amazing and bad, or do I call it quits? Do I tell Katie or not? I just don't know. I really don't.

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:43 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
007. Being An Idiot.

Okay. So I know exactly what you're thinking. "Gaston is an idiot." Look, I know that hanging out with Ariel again will only end up in heartbreak on my part and not caring on hers, but what can I say? She needs help and I want to be the one to help her. I don't plan on sleeping with her again. Ever. Don't laugh at me! It's the truth, and I do have some willpower despite my...previous actions. I figure that she could use someone that's just a friend. A shoulder to lean on, so to speak.

I know that it may seem like I’ve moved on, but that’s hardly the case. I’m not a brooding fool or anything of the sort, but I’m just not quite ready to be in another relationship at the moment. What I have with Ariel is companionship. She helps me keep my mind off of Katie and that whole debacle for the most part, and I try to help her stay clean. I don’t know how upset she is about Mike dumping her, but I’m sure she knows that she can talk to me about it, if she wants. I try not to push though. I don’t need an angry Swedish female on my hands.

I haven’t talked to Katie since the night Marcelle showed up at my house with his big mouth. I’m certain that I’m the last person she’d ever want to talk to anyway. Marcelle….I want to stay pissed off at him, but I can’t. He apologized and that should be good enough. I just don’t understand what I ever did to him to make him out me like that. I understand that he likes Owen, now, but before? How was I supposed to know? The thing is. This whole thing was a mistake that wasn’t supposed to happen. Do I regret it? Yes and no. Yes, because it hurt Katie. No, because it gave me a friendship back.

I don’t care if people think I like guys, because I always have. It wasn’t exactly a secret. Me, gay though? That’s a big ass no. I’m just very comfortable with liking both sexes and I wish people could see that. Anyway….that’s all for now.

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:44 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
008. Goodbyes.

….. ….. …. … .. . ……………… / ….. .. …. … .. . …………………… < Fuck all if I know what it means, but whatever. It looks like I’m only writing in this damn thing when something big happens. This time, I broke up with Katie. The last time I wrote in here, I had just cheated on her. Well, we got back together, and things didn’t work out. I thought about being a silent brooder, but I figured that this time around I would just suck it up and get over it. Am I hurt? I’m in a lot of fucking pain. Will I show it? No. I’ll put on a happy face and continue to thrive. I realize that this makes me sound a bit like a jackass, but whatever. Life is too short to waste time being sad.

The worst part in all of this is that I know it’s for the best. I will miss her, more than I care to think about, but it’s for the best. She said that if I left, she wouldn't let me be in her life. It just about killed me at first, then I realized that maybe it would be a good thing. I didn't take an extra second to remember the fucking fact that we have nearly the same social circle. I wish that we could be friends again, but that might just be wishful thinking. I'm counting on things not being weird though. I'm not going to ask anyone to choose a side, because they shouldn't have to.

Now I have to figure out what to do for my birthday. She was planning something for it, but obviously, that's not going to happen anymore. I wonder if she'll....no, nevermind. I guess...that's all for now. Hopefully, I'll remember to write in here more often, but I can say this is the last one that will be about Katie. Auf Wiedersehen.

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:46 PM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
009. Cancer.

December 6th, 2011

My head is killing me. Quite literally at that. I found out not too long ago that my cancer is back. My test results show a tumor and this time, things are worse. I’ve already gone through this twice, and I’m not really sure if I can deal with it a third time. Belle says I should be more optimistic, but it’s hard. I just keep wondering about things. I mean, if I do somehow make it through this time, am I going to have to continue to go through it over and over my entire life? I really hope not. It’s all very tolling and I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it. At the moment, I’m torn between being pessimistic and giving up, and being optimistic that I’ll be fine. I want to be fine, for my family. For Katie.

Things are sort of….I don’t know…weird, where she’s concerned. Lately, I’ve found myself wanting to be away from her. Anyone who truly knows me can see why that’s weird. I usually can’t get enough of her and love to spend every moment I can with her. Now, I just want to go in the opposite direction. Don’t get me wrong. I love her, and I love being with her, but I can’t help but feel as though loving her just isn’t enough. I know that this is partially because of my illness. It has some sort of thing that makes me push away the people I care about. I can easily push people away in an attempt to keep them from getting too attached, and over the years, I’ve felt selfish for making such close friends, knowing that one day I could die from this and leave them hurting.

Katie is just 14. It’s something that really bothers me from time to time. I’ve put her through so much already, and I’ve got to say, having your 14 year old girlfriend by your side while you go through cancer is a hell of a big thing. Is it mean that I don’t want her around to see it? I know it’s incredibly selfish on my part, but I’m still itching to do it. It’s not just the cancer thing though.

Katie and I are good together, but so many bad things have happened, I’m not sure if we’d ever truly get past it all. Sure, we love each other. Sure we’re in a committed relationship, but what more is there? Sometimes, I get the feeling that I’m only with Katie because I’d rather not be alone. It’s not really fair, but still.

I haven’t been idiotic enough to forget that she has feelings for Sean. She picked me over him, yes, but what does that even matter when I can see how much she cares about him and misses him? The truth of the matter is, he’s a much better fit for her than I am. I’ve known this for awhile, so it’s nothing new. Part of me wishes that Katie would actually realize that Sean would be the logical choice. They have so much in common it seems like. When I think about what she and I have in common, I come up short. We both love to eat, we both like horror movies, and we both like animals. …. Yep. That’s it. If I have one regret, it’s the fact that she pity-fucked me, and I let her. It should have never happened, but it did and now there’s no going back.

Is it bad of me to keep pretending like everything is perfect so I wont have to go through this thing alone? I know it is, but I’m a selfish guy. I wont leave her again, but if she were to leave me, I’d no doubt deserve it and maybe even welcome it. Like I said before, I love her, wholeheartedly, but sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Anyway, I should rest, so….later.

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
Gaston William Schroder
 Posted: Oct 10 2012, 06:00 AM
Quote Post


The Hopeless Romantic

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

N/A





MYWHATAGUY
010. .....

Early October 2012

Wow. So I haven't written here in a very long while. Almost a year I believe. So much has changed over the course of the year, I don't even know where to begin. I survived the cancer that tried to take my life, so...yay.

From February and onward, I spent most of my time gaining my strength back slowly. Now I'm back to a healthy weight and I'm stronger than I was, but I am still a little weak. Not getting enough sleep lately has been a major contributor to that.

Skipping to present day. I'm okay. I think over the past year I've grown up a lot. I'm not sure if it was the death scare, or just being fed up with everything happening on the Gold Coast. Probably a combination of both, but lately I just find myself tired of people and their constant, relentless, stream of bullshit. It never ends, and as used to it as I am, I just think it's ridiculous that people who are supposed to be so mature and adult-like fail to act that way.

Lately I've done a lot of thinking about things, especially with Belle leaving because of others' bullshit. It's no secret that I've wanted to go back to Germany for good since we moved here. I've decided that next year, I'm going back. I'll finish high school there and everything. I haven't talked to Belle about it, or my parents, but it's what I want at the moment. I hate it here. I always have. I just wish that things weren't so screwed up at the moment.

Anyway. I'm just going to get pushing through this year and hopefully this time next year, Chicago will be far away.

TEMPLATE BY FEDORA @ SDS & ATF

--------------------
{
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
-JON KATZ
}
PM
^
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Topic Options Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll


 


 

ic cbox on/off

TOGGLE SIDEBAR CREDITED TO SUBDEVO. TABBED SIDEBAR CREDITED TO KISMET OF RPG-D.