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 Fallout, Fallout, Melissa's Journal
Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:26 PM
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The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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Early September
Feelings
Dear Journal,

Where do I even begin? I don't know what to do. I'm beginning to have all these....feelings. Unnatural feelings about girls. My parents would kill me if they found out, and what would people at school think? I know that I'm supposed to be pure and like guys, but I just don't. My religion background tells me that these feelings are wrong, but if that's the case, why do I feel this way about her. It just feels so...right. When I'm around her, I just feel so comfortable. I don't know. Maybe I should just see where things go. I could just act normal at school and have fun on the side, right? I mean, as long as no one was to find out it'd be okay. I just...I don't know. Hopefully I'll figure this all out soon. I have to go though. School starts tomorrow, Yaaaaayy! –Mel

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TEMPLATE BYMAKE ME WANNA LALA! OF ATF.


--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
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^
Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:27 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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What is going on?!
Dear Journal,

Last night was......odd. I went over to Gaston's to play Truth or Dare. What? I like having fun! Anyway. The night went well except for one small snag. Kayla. I asked an inappropriate question and...yes it was just bad. On the other hand. Something really weird happened. I may or may not have had those unnatural feelings again. It was so much worse this time though. Kayla was dared to strip...for me. To be quite honest it was very sexy disturbing.

On another note. JG and I are getting closer. I actually really like him, and I think he may ask me out soon. He's cute, and very charming. We're going to watch a movie at his house soon though. I'm a bit scared tbh. I've never really been alone with a guy before, but it should be fun, as long as he knows I want to stay pure. Anyway, I've got to go. Bye!

-Mel

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--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
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Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:27 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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Early September
Terrified beyond normal
9/28/11

(Private to me.)

Dear Journal,

I have decided that I am a complete and utter mess.

Tonight was…..both revealing and terrifying. It all started when I decided to go down to The Bean. Normal enough right? Right. Well, I got my iced coffee, which really is a treat for me as I don’t get them often. Anyway, I got my coffee and sat with David and a guy who I learned is his boyfriend. Seeing them so happy in public and with each other made me question them about what they would do in my place. They both gave me their advice and it was a lot to think about. I may or may not have had a mini-breakdown. David let me cry on his shoulder and it honestly felt good to be able to tell someone how I feel.

I know that one of the first things I need to do is tell JG that I can’t see him anymore. I just hope that he wont hate me once he knows. It’s not like I deliberately led him on though. I do like him, and I was willing to suppress my….urges to be with him. I can’t anymore though. It is slowly tearing me apart. I want to tell my parents first though I think. I’m going to hope for the best, but I just don’t know the outcome of what will happen. My parents are very religious and expect me to: 1.) Fall in love with a guy. 2.) Wait until I’m married to have sex. I can’t see myself doing either of these though. Don't get me wrong. I'm not planning on becoming a complete slut, but I do want to have fun. It’s like I told David tonight. Guys kiss well and look hot, but I don’t feel anything else for them. I’m supposed to though, right? If I was straight I think I would.

I’m scared about the reactions of my parents and the others around me. I want to be accepted, but I’ve already made soooo many mistakes. I guess I’ll just have to see what tomorrow brings, and have faith that everything will work out for the best, in the end.

-Mel

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--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
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Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:29 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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Early September
Slowly Disintegrating
10/2011

(Private to me.)

I’ve lost track of my days. A few days ago I wrote about the fact that I needed to tell JG that things between us couldn’t continue because I don’t feel anything other than friendship for guys. Well. I told him. It was strange though. It seemed like he already knew that I might be struggling with a bit of self-identity. What I can’t figure out is how he knew. It’s not like I told him, and I can’t think of anyone that…..Olivia! Olivia freaking Baldassare! Oh well, the cat’s out of the bag as far as he goes. He seemed to be fine with everything, and we’re still friends. Even though I haven’t seen him in a few days.

Anyway. After I came out to him, I went home and ordered my parents a nice dinner and sat them down saying I needed to talk to them about something. I came out to them, and what did I get for my troubles? Kicked out of my house. That’s what. They kicked me out that night, and all I had time to get was a few pairs of clothes. They even took the keys to my car. I spent the night walking around town for the most part. Let me tell you, I got a lot of exercise and I froze my bits, I’m sure of it. Luckily everything is still in working order as far as I can tell and there’s no frostbite. Can you imagine? “Hey babe, what happened to your nipples?” “Oh nothing, it’s just a bit of frostbite.” >.> Stuuuupid.

Anyway. I’m practically homeless. I can’t tell where I’m staying because it’s a secret, but it’s not at my house. For the moment, things are okay though. I have a warm place to sleep at night, food to eat, my friends, and my extracurricular activities. What more could I need? Oh, a job. I’m running out of money to sustain myself, and I know that I need to get a job soon. Maybe the sushi place Erik took me to is hiring? I’d love to work there, now that I know I wont die from eating the food. With all of my extra things, I may have to quit a couple of them to make room for a job, but it would be worth it, right? I can’t wait until my parents allow me to come back home, because I don’t know when that will be. Hopefully it’ll soon. They’re all I have. You know, some of my friends are very lucky. They have brothers or sisters to look after them when things get rough. With me, there’s just….well, me. I know my friends mean well, but they have their own lives to deal with and they can’t be around for me 24/7. I have to take care of myself. I wish I had a big brother like Kit. Tristan cares for her so much, and everyone can see it. You can tell that he’d never let anything intentionally hurt her.

So, last night, a few hours ago really, Erik had a party at the penthouse. It was complete chaos. To make a long story short, a fight broke out, and I, being who I am, decided to check on everyone, because I wanted to be there for my friends. I made my rounds, and checked on who I could, and now I’m back at my…place of resting, watching Doctor Who and typing this, because I have nothing better to do.

I’m wondering if maybe I should come out to all of my friends. There are a couple of people who already know, but still. I’m afraid though. What if not everyone accepts it? Ugggggh! I’m certain that soon someone will question me on the weirdness I’ve been projecting the last few days. Especially considering I’ve been more happy-go-lucky than is strictly normal, even for me. I just hope that my parents accept me back before this all blows over. I don’t know how much more it will take for me to break, and I don’t want to find out.

-Mel.

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--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
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Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:30 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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Early September
Sister!
Dear Journal,

Guess who got drunk for the very first time last night? That’s right. I did. It was quite an experience. What I remember of it anyway. It all started when Kit invited me over for our movie marathon. I wont rehash the whole night, but let me just say that the movies weren’t watched, at all. I mean, not by myself anyway. Kit told me about how Erik intimidated her, and so I figured I’d do them both a favor and get them in the same place together to get to know each other more. Kit drank more than her normal share, and I couldn’t let her do it alone, now could I? Anyway, the three of us were pretty drunk when I mentioned that I wanted to go swimming. Kit told us about the Jacuzzi, and so guess where we went? To the Jacuzzi. Along the way, Erik invited Dorian, and by the time we made it downstairs he was there. Come to think of it, it was pretty quick.

Anyhow, we all went into the Jacuzzi. I had on my DW jammies, which are ruined now, and….well things are a bit fuzzy after that. I remember drinking some more and something about tickling? At some point, Kit and I decided to go to bed. I remember feeling alone and hurt for some reason, but I woke up cuddled to Kit, so I don’t know what that was about.

Kit. That’s something else I wanted to write about. Kit and Tristan have decided that I can stay with them until my parents are over their douche-ness. I am so grateful. Not that I wasn’t happy with my previous place of stay, but Kit’s home is….homey. It makes me more comfortable, and I’ve decided that for all intents and purposes that Kit is now my sister. I feel safe around her, and Tristan, whenever he decides to grace the rest of the world with his brooding presence. Kit says that Tristan doesn’t mind, but I should probably talk to him myself soon. I want to be sure that I’m welcome, because I really don’t want to intrude. Anyway, I’ve gained a sister!


-Mel

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--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
PM
^
Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:32 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

N/A





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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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Early September
Blasted!
Dear Journal,

What the fuck? Seriously. You know, it was bad enough when I outed myself to my parents and they kicked me out, but I could handle it. Kit gave me a place to stay, I found a job to keep me busy, school was going well. Everything was in a calm state until the Secret Safe decided that my life was meant to be everyone else's business. Now, I know that I've done a couple of things in my lifetime worth reprimanding, but being gay? I don't get what the big deal is. I didn't ask to be a lesbian alright? I happen to like who I like, and that should be all there is to it, but no, suddenly I'm front page news. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about the Blast. On one hand, I'm grateful for it, because it did all the work for me in one go. On the other hand, I'm weary of what people at school will think.

I'm involved in so many different activities at school that it would be impossible for people to not know who the blast is about considering the fucker put my name out there for all to see. I just hope that I don't lose my office or anything because of it. It's not really a life or death situation though.

I finally got a phone call from my mother the other night. Guess what she had to say. No, it wasn't "We love you, come home.", "We're sorry for throwing you out like bad garbage.", or ""We miss you." No, my mother called just to tell me I was a disgrace, disgusting, and apparently "being less than brilliant." You know, sometimes I wonder if parents realize that their words hurt more than anyone else's. I've heard about people not wanting to take care of their parents once they're older and need the help because of how they treated them when they were younger. I didn't get why anyone would be that cruel to the people who gave them life, but now I understand it. I've decided to cut my parents out of my life completely. I thought that by giving them space, they'd come to terms with this and realize that I'm still me, but my mother went to far, and I don't think I could ever be near her again.

I went to my house during the night and left a letter, my cell phone, and pretty much everything I had that my parents bought me, except my laptop because I love it, on the doorstep. I'm going to make my own way in the world. People do it everyday, so why not me as well? Anyway, I have to be at work soon so...later. -Mel

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--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
PM
^
Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:32 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

N/A





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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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Early November
hakuna matata or something
Dear Journal,

Le sigh. It’s been almost a month and a half since I last wrote, and here I am, sitting in bed, writing. The last time I wrote, I said that I’d cut my parents out of my life for what they did. I’m glad to say that I’ve not stepped a foot towards their house since that last time.

I’ve had the privilege of staying at the penthouse with Erik and it’s been great for me. It was rocky at first and I had some serious issues, but now I’m better than ever. I’m thriving under his care and I don’t know how I will ever pay him back for all the help he’s given me lately. I’ve come to care for him so much, and I think he’s come to care for me as well. It’s one of those things that I never thought would happen, but I am glad that it has.

Sometimes I think about how different things could have been with him. If Erik wasn’t with Dorian or in love with him for that matter, and I wasn’t a lesbian, how would things be between us? Sometimes I do wonder if something could happen between us. I know that if there was one guy for me to be attracted to ever, it’d be him. Not because of what you’d think though. You’d probably say because of his wealth or because he’s gorgeous, right? Well I can tell you that, that is not the case for me at all. I’d be attracted to him just because it’s him. Most people don’t get to see what he doesn’t show in public and I’m beginning to understand why. From my point of view, He’s sweet, charming, funny, generous, really intelligent, a good cook, and all around awesome. Of course he’s also cynical and downright mean sometimes, but the list of good is longer than the bad. I realize that this makes me sound like I’m in love with him or something, but I’m not. It’s just sort of a shame that he has the wrong equipment downstairs.

With my parents, I’ve considered a few things. The most recent thing I’ve considered is pretending that this was all just a bad dream and telling them that this whole thing was just a phase. Sure, it’d hurt me worse than anything, but I would handle that just to have my parents back. Then, I think about the fact that they kicked me out and I was put into a bad situation where I had to rely on others just for daily survival. I think of how far I’ve come since then, and honestly? I wouldn’t change anything that’s happened for the world. I’m learning more about the world every day, I get to stay in a penthouse (even though I’m not sure how long it’ll be before I have to find my own place), and I am so cared for. I have a great job, doing something I actually like, and school is getting back on track for me. I’ve had a rough time of things, but now I’m getting better each and every day and all of my friends, not just Erik, are the reason why. They are my family now, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Anyway, the Masterson homecoming dance was amazing. I went with Dorian and had an absolute blast. There was the whole Eli incident involving my shoe and his forehead, but still. I got to spend the evening with some of my favorite people and we all had a lot of fun so I can’t complain. Now, the Thanksgiving break is here and it’s a little somber for me. Usually, I’d be at home, planning dinner with my mom while my dad would be pretending he’s a lumberjack in the backyard preparing to chop down a Christmas tree. We’d sit by the fireplace and read or play board games or just talk about any and everything. I miss them so much. Sometimes I feel like no one could understand that, but I’m sure someone must. It’ll be my first major holidays without them, and even though I’m a little lost, I know that things will be fine.

Well, it’s bedtime for me, so….later. –Mel.

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TEMPLATE BYMAKE ME WANNA LALA! OF ATF.


--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
PM
^
Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 9 2012, 01:33 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

N/A





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Melissa, Seventeen, Complete sweetie.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a seventeen year old at Landsburg and very involved with the student body there. I'm sweet, blush at things a lot, and can be a little mothering, but that's me.
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December 2nd.
Pain
Dear Journal,

November 28th. That’s the day I found out that my parents were dead. They didn’t just die, though. They were murdered. It is Chicago, and murders do happen here, but I never actually thought it would happen to anyone that I knew, let alone the people that created me.

I remember how I found out. I was sitting in my AP English class and there was a knock at the door. I wasn’t paying much attention to the distraction because I was busy reading for an assignment. The vice principal walked in and went to the front of the room to talk to the teacher, and in the next few minutes, my world came crashing down. I was finally doing good. Finally managed to put most of my pain at being cast out of my home aside, and then, that was it. I was driven to the morgue by a police officer, whose name I didn’t bother to get. I had to see my parents, and they were almost unrecognizable. I couldn’t speak. All I could do was nod when asked if they were my parents. “Is there anyone you could call?”, the officer asked. I answered in my head and walked out because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I walked to the penthouse and holed up in the library. I didn’t actually read, but the room is comforting to me. I don’t remember how long it was, but I somehow ended up outside on the balcony. I didn’t register the cold and just stood there watching the skyline, numb. I can’t remember much of that night to be honest. There was alcohol and sleeping in the protection of Erik’s arms though.

For the past few days, I’ve been trying to make things seem as normal as possible. I’m smiling and laughing in all the right places. For all intents and purposes, you can’t tell that my parents just died, unless you already know. You can’t tell that I’m in a world of pain on the inside. I can’t bring myself to cry. Is that weird? I keep feeling the tears well up in my eyes, but I haven’t allowed them to drop. I can’t. I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll break completely. As lovely as Erik is, I don’t want to put him in the position of worrying about me. He says that he doesn’t worry. I think he’s a liar. He’s kept my mind off of things for the most part so, I ‘m grateful.

Through all of this though, I’m still in so much pain, it’s almost unbearable. I’m angry that someone would have the audacity to take my parents from me. I know that things like this happen every day. I know that things happen, but why did it have to be my parents? After everything they did, at the end of the day, they’re still my parents. I’m angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m angry that I never got the chance to patch up my relationship with them. I’m angry that they wont get to see me become an amazing woman. I’m just angry. I…took it out on Olivia, and I’m certain that I ruined the friendship we had. At the moment, I can’t find it in me to regret it. I have so much more to worry about than her feelings, right now. I have to get my parent’s affairs in order. I have to decide on funeral arrangements. I have to put so much energy into acting like everything is okay. I just want this to all be over with.



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--------------------
{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
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^
Melissa Catraoine Prince
 Posted: Oct 10 2012, 05:08 PM
Quote Post


The Good Girl

"I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all."

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Melissa, Eighteeen, Studious.
My name's Melissa Prince. I'm a eighteen year old senior at Masterson and I'm involved with the student body there. I'm still figuring out who I am, so bear with me.
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Early October 2012.
:)
Early October 2012

Personal

I’ve been a fool, and I’ve been blind~ Hey. So, it’s been nearly a year since the last time I wrote in this particular journal, and I thought now would be the perfect time. So many great things have happened to me since I last wrote. I don’t even know where to start. Let’s see. In January, I started at Masterson. Best decision ever really. My education at Masterson has been great and I’ve loved every minute of it. Also this year, recently actually, I got a great internship opportunity with a friend of a friend’s Architect firm. It’s been a great opportunity for me and I recently helped design a club. I say I helped design it, but really, I designed it myself, and Kismet’s architect friend approved of it. It’s a great way of getting my foot in the door.

I just got a new car too. My baby. It’s a lovely thing too, except, I don’t know how to drive it. I thought that there would be someone around that would be able to teach me how to drive it, but the person that I was hoping would help, well. Let’s just say they’re no longer an active part of my life anymore. It’s okay though. I plan on hiring an instructor and they can teach me.

School

School has been….crazy the past few weeks. After whatever the fuck happened, that I will explain later, I decided that I should just hire a tutor and test out of my last two classes that I need for credits, but, I’ve decided that I won’t do that. I’m starting back at Masterson tomorrow in the same classes I had before. I’ll be done with high school for good in a couple of months so I just have to bear with it until then. Hello early graduation happy.gif.

Erik

I don’t even know where to begin with this one but let me try. I started living with the Darlings around this time of the year last year. It was colder than it is now so I’m guessing it was more towards November. Anyway, during my time in the penthouse I learned so many different things. It turned me into a different person and sometimes into a person that I didn’t like. After my parents died last year, I stayed close to Erik. I was never clingy but I took comfort in knowing that he was around.

Things started to change about a month ago. My relationship with Ceren wasn’t working for me. It had nothing to do with her. I was just bored. Not with her, but with life in general. Things weren’t necessarily bad, they just weren’t great. Anyway, in a night of drunkenness, Erik and I slept together. Yes, I know. Worst lesbian ever. Whatever. The sex turned into a regular sort of thing, but it didn’t last long.

Sometime before this all, Erik broke up with Dorian. I was friends with both of them and there was no way I was going to just abandon one for the other. Apparently chatting with Dorian was considered me not being loyal to Erik. ….Haha. The thought makes me laugh, because I thought that if anyone knew me better than that, it would be Erik. Apparently not, and it makes me sad. I can’t change the past though, not that I would anyway. I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few weeks, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not my problem that he didn’t know that there was nothing that could ever make me not be loyal to him. There was a point where I was angry, a day or so, but that went away as quickly as it came. People are who they are and a leopard can’t change its spots. I haven’t felt an ounce of guilt about talking to Dorian, and I doubt I ever will. The last time I gave up a friend- a best friend for Erik, they ended up dead. I don’t think people realize that Owen was my best friend, or they do, and they just don’t care. It wouldn’t shock me with all the fake people in the Gold Coast these days. Anyway, I won’t do that to Dorian. I refuse to and I will never apologize for it.

These days, I’m getting back to my life. After an argument with Ariel, I moved out of the penthouse, and into the house that’d I’d purchased for when Erik found out about me talking to Dorian. I knew what he’d do before he did it, and honestly, it didn’t surprise me. He didn’t let me down at all. In his eyes, I’m no one important now, but that’s perfectly fine. I’ve never existed to please him, and I never will. I’ve always been one to make my own way in the world, and the transition hasn’t been hard. My parents prepared me well. I didn’t understand it until I was suddenly in my own home and being an adult. I can’t credit my parents for everything though. A lot of it is from Erik. After living with him for nearly a year, I learned so many things. How could I not really? For some reason people think that I’m a pushover and that I do whatever people ask of me at the drop of a hat. How wrong they are. I’ve become a lot more cynical about the world.

I’ve found myself with less friends than I had before. This is mainly because the majority of teenagers in this city are too afraid to talk to me because of Erik. They’re all quite content kissing his ass and hoping that he likes them. That’s perfectly fine by me though, because who needs fake friends? I do have a few friends though, and I adore them. All in all, I’m doing great. I’m working on new blueprints every day, I have real friends that haven’t decided that I’m a nobody because someone else deems it so, and Yale is waiting for me in just a few months! It’s great, and now, I’m closing one chapter of my life and moving onto the next.



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{
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.”
-BESSIE ANDERSON STANLEY
}
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